so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
