dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just had sex on a roof
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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