Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
