I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
