U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
