So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
