singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
