Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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