i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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