I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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