Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
