i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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