I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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