He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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