I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
