Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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