its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize