just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
It's blow job season.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
