there's paper in my vomit.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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