that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
