I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
