she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
