Who wears a wallet chain?!
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize