The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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