I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
