Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
