in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
