me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
