i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
