Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
