What a fucking waste of an outfit
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
