our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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