Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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