We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
