May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
