I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
