plz talk dirty to me
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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