Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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