So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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