Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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