Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
