allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
