You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
