im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize