Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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