Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
