so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize