My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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