he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
So vagazzling was a success
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
