drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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