Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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