The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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