stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
