All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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