How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize