summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
