I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
