But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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