He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize