I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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