Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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