The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
