just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
