Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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