My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
