I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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