There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
