I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
