there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
