I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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