hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
