i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
