i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
