thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
