I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize