dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
