he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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