do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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