My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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