I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
