if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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