I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I think I won the penis lottery.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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