i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
