Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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