I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
