sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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