I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
