matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Randomize
