i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
