tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
