hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
