laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
