I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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